Wednesday, September 20, 2006
dare you to move.
i looked through my parents' old photos, where they were surrounded by company, by friends, by loved ones. with carefree smiles on their faces. and i cried. i cried for their sacrifice, for their love, for their courage to live their lives for others. i cried looking through my old photos and thinking of my childhood days; of the things i never told the people i really loved and how our paths parted. i cried thinking of how much some people loved me, and how i would never be able to reciprocate that. i cried because sometimes life can be so inevitable and so cruel. of the boys in potosi chewing cocoa leaves a thousand miles underground. i cry because i don't know how to get myself out, don't know if i want to be out. because others have forsaken me for they don't care enough or don't know how to respond. because i cannot bring myself to trust anyone else.
welcome to the fallout.
a friend is two souls in different bodies. think about it. it's true. for love is always patient and kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
like today never happened before.
i wish i were a million personailities and none at all; a universe of faces and galaxy of none. i wish hadnt pegged expectations onto my friendships, or given encouragement to others that's beyond my understanding. i wish you would have gotten to know me in a very different light, or perhaps not at all. for i truly know who i am, even though i ask for the courage to accept the parts of me that floated away, and the courage to face patchworks of myself that are wicked and dark. and i ask that you accept me and love me for who i am.
081006
i am alone
and this is how it ends.
"i'll never be happy until i kill myself."
i agree.
glittered
10:06 PM
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_____________________________[breath- ofmysoul.]______
